How important is elementary school and before to later life?

Psychologists note that the first 6–10 years (depending on whom you read) are critical in the formation of one’s brain. Children who are read to from an early age tend to have about 10,000 more words in their vocabularies than children who aren’t read to—so that’s a big head start. Freud once noted that people spend their adult lives dealing with the residue of their childhoods. Some parents push too hard too fast, some not enough. It’s a delicate balance.

So, whatever happens in that first 6-ish years is very important. By the time kids get to elementary school, a ton of neural-neural synapses are formed or not formed, used or not used. Habits of listening, doing as asked, etc. are bulging and emerging. Kids who learned AT THEIR OWN PACE some basics of getting along, listening, and learning will have an advantage.

One’s genes are a factor—brain chemistry can make a big difference. Mild, moderate or major OCD, ADD, ADHD, BPD and other conditions can affect performance in elementary school and beyond. Recognizing these conditions and dealing appropriately with them can make a big difference.

Parenting is very difficult. How to teach children, at what pace, for parents’ convenience or child’s convenience? Too rigid? Too lax? All difficult challenges.

Basically, though, I’d say

1. Read to your children from an early age. My wife did this religiously and the kids were way ahead in many ways.
2. Try to be observant of the child’s developmental readiness. Pushing on toilet training too soon, or obedience too hard, etc. can create big issues for later in life. I learned at age 65 that my mother was stressed with me as a toddler and trying to manage my dad’s motel—so when I was fussy, she’d put a bottle in my mouth and leave it there until the milk ran out both sides of my mouth and then I’d go to sleep. That was a bombshell lightbulb since for my adult life, when I was stressed, I’d eat a box of cereal and milk, maybe five bowls til I could feel the milk coming up my esophagus and then go to sleep. I knew it was stupid, but somehow felt compelled. Her revelation came to me 45 years too late… but I fight in now.
3. Ask children questions about the way they think things work. Try to answer their questions without brushing them off—to encourage their curiosity. “Don’t bother me” will shut them down and up and discourage their interest.

At birth, the human brain is growing at the rate of 250,000 cells PER MINUTE. I had to read that three times when I saw it. Soon, one gets a “full” complement of about 100 billion brain cells—each of which can connect with 10,000 other cells. One quadrillion synapses. Neurons like to fire (one reason we have dreams) The connections (synapses) that are used get reinforced—and the child learns one language not another, one handedness not another, etc. Reading to a child stimulates their imagination, their ability to listen, and their ability to pick up new words and ideas. 90 % of nutrition in the first year of life goes into the baby’s brain.

So fertilize that growth with good nutrition, reading, patience, creating opportunities to learn and socialize as they are ready, always with unrelenting support and love and the child is likely to grow up with fewer (not more) “holes” in their personalities.

Lots of kids don’t get what they need at an early age. It’s a challenge. But there’s no license for child-bearing. No tests for quality parenting. Very little back-up in the form of Social Services or child abuse oversight. It seems to me that any organization (religious, governmental or whatever) that forces a woman to carry and bear a child she doesn’t want and/or cannot take care of should bear the responsibility of caring for that child financially, physically, and emotionally. The investment in every child born is huge, especially in those first 6–10 years.