That depends on what an individual means by “better.” Most humans need and want social contact, a small group of friends on whom they can depend and with whom they can discuss anything without fear of rejection.
Yet, there are some people who prefer (not forced to) to live and be alone. This can be a personal preference, might be part of a brain chemistry thing (fear of social interaction), positioning on the autism “spectrum,” might be result of early childhood treatment (which can be very long lasting—Freud said we spend our adult lives dealing with the residue from our childhoods).
IF you WANT to have more social interaction, you must practice. Like any human behavior mental or physical or emotional, repetition builds facility. The first thing to learn, perhaps, is to listen with interest to what others have to say. Let go of the urge to judge quickly. Listen and acknowledge—that is let the other person know that you are listening. “Hmm, very interesting.” “Wow, Tell me more.” Nodding. Smiling.
Smiling is a big one. If one learns to smile at people, even strangers you see in a restaurant, they tend to smile back. I see this every day. Simply smiling suggests one is an upbeat, non-judgmental, aware-of-the-Other kind of person. Smiles are inviting, frowns are off-putting.
Putting one’s self in social situations (with some things to practice in mind) can help. Going to social situations and hanging back, frowning, waiting for someone to approach probably won’t work—most of the time. Occasionally some kind soul may come over and make an effort to include the loner. IF that happens, be sure to smile. Being in social situations with a) listening and b) smiling can help a lot. Occasionally, not ALL the time, be willing to share your view or opinion (as your opinion not as fact) so you can participate in the conversation. Participate—not dominate, not ignore.
Sometimes loners are paralyzed by the fear of rejection. They think the world is out to get them. Again, this can be brain chemistry and/or early childhood development. My wife was physically and emotionally abused as a child to a point that a doctor threatened to put her in foster care. She was seen by her peers as a loner, shy, wouldn’t speak, etc. It’s taken decades to get her to the point where she feels moderately comfortable expressing her opinion and thinking for herself. I think my having a doctorate in human behavior and trying very hard has facilitated that growth somewhat.
So, a good friend and/or partner will also help. Someone you can bounce things off of, who can give good, helpful feedback, who will be supportive and loving.
In the end, it’s your life. Whatever the origins of a person’s shyness or loneliness might be, we can choose to work on ways to manage and perhaps enjoy who we are. Carl Rogers’ On Becoming a Person might help. The Book of Self in my book, A Song of Humanity (under pen name Only One Man) might help. Therapy might help. A good friend and confidant will help. And there are no perfect relationships—people will always disappoint in one way or another. Don’t let those experiences discourage you. Finding work/career that you love, will also be a support.
Yet, there are some people who prefer (not forced to) to live and be alone. This can be a personal preference, might be part of a brain chemistry thing (fear of social interaction), positioning on the autism “spectrum,” might be result of early childhood treatment (which can be very long lasting—Freud said we spend our adult lives dealing with the residue from our childhoods).
IF you WANT to have more social interaction, you must practice. Like any human behavior mental or physical or emotional, repetition builds facility. The first thing to learn, perhaps, is to listen with interest to what others have to say. Let go of the urge to judge quickly. Listen and acknowledge—that is let the other person know that you are listening. “Hmm, very interesting.” “Wow, Tell me more.” Nodding. Smiling.
Smiling is a big one. If one learns to smile at people, even strangers you see in a restaurant, they tend to smile back. I see this every day. Simply smiling suggests one is an upbeat, non-judgmental, aware-of-the-Other kind of person. Smiles are inviting, frowns are off-putting.
Putting one’s self in social situations (with some things to practice in mind) can help. Going to social situations and hanging back, frowning, waiting for someone to approach probably won’t work—most of the time. Occasionally some kind soul may come over and make an effort to include the loner. IF that happens, be sure to smile. Being in social situations with a) listening and b) smiling can help a lot. Occasionally, not ALL the time, be willing to share your view or opinion (as your opinion not as fact) so you can participate in the conversation. Participate—not dominate, not ignore.
Sometimes loners are paralyzed by the fear of rejection. They think the world is out to get them. Again, this can be brain chemistry and/or early childhood development. My wife was physically and emotionally abused as a child to a point that a doctor threatened to put her in foster care. She was seen by her peers as a loner, shy, wouldn’t speak, etc. It’s taken decades to get her to the point where she feels moderately comfortable expressing her opinion and thinking for herself. I think my having a doctorate in human behavior and trying very hard has facilitated that growth somewhat.
So, a good friend and/or partner will also help. Someone you can bounce things off of, who can give good, helpful feedback, who will be supportive and loving.
In the end, it’s your life. Whatever the origins of a person’s shyness or loneliness might be, we can choose to work on ways to manage and perhaps enjoy who we are. Carl Rogers’ On Becoming a Person might help. The Book of Self in my book, A Song of Humanity (under pen name Only One Man) might help. Therapy might help. A good friend and confidant will help. And there are no perfect relationships—people will always disappoint in one way or another. Don’t let those experiences discourage you. Finding work/career that you love, will also be a support.
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