This is a huge issue. Human children are born basically helpless and defenseless. At birth they have inherited a set of genes that will influence their lives throughout. At that moment and for the next ten-twenty years they are imbued with the Values, Assumptions, Beliefs and Expectations about the way the world works or should work (VABEs for short) by their care givers and surrounding culture/people. I know 60+ year old people who still struggle as Freud said “with the residue of their childhoods.”
The first thing would be “if you had been born elsewhere, your VABEs would be dramatically different. When you are no longer a defenseless child, be willing to review and examine your VABEs and decide consciously what to Keep, Lose or Add to your repertoire for living. Do not assume that what you were taught as a child was/is true or accurate or sensible. UK psychologist James’ book, They F*#k You Up is one good starting point.
Second, whatever tendencies your genes give you (brain chemistry, addictive tendencies, etc.) you can (likely will be difficult) rise above them and choose not to drink, etc. Might require counseling and medication. IF you have OCD or ADHD or BPD or any of the numerous brain chemistry variations, you can work with them. Schizophrenia, 1% of the worldwide population, is one of the most difficult.
Third, learn to take the judgments of others as data, not some kind of final pronouncement. Do not let the judgments of others determine your self-esteem. VERY hard to do for defenseless children. Do NOT let bullying or condescending peers’ assessments define you.
Fourth, learn everything you can. Learn, learn, learn. Read. Listen. Observe. Think. New words, new disciplines, stars, dirt, water, newspapers, etc.
Finally, whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability. Try. Try to do better. The habit of sliding by or cutting corners or not trying is hard to break later on. If you try your best at everything, you will grow, learn, and become very accomplished—at whatever you choose to spend your life doing. Learn to enjoy trying your best.
The first thing would be “if you had been born elsewhere, your VABEs would be dramatically different. When you are no longer a defenseless child, be willing to review and examine your VABEs and decide consciously what to Keep, Lose or Add to your repertoire for living. Do not assume that what you were taught as a child was/is true or accurate or sensible. UK psychologist James’ book, They F*#k You Up is one good starting point.
Second, whatever tendencies your genes give you (brain chemistry, addictive tendencies, etc.) you can (likely will be difficult) rise above them and choose not to drink, etc. Might require counseling and medication. IF you have OCD or ADHD or BPD or any of the numerous brain chemistry variations, you can work with them. Schizophrenia, 1% of the worldwide population, is one of the most difficult.
Third, learn to take the judgments of others as data, not some kind of final pronouncement. Do not let the judgments of others determine your self-esteem. VERY hard to do for defenseless children. Do NOT let bullying or condescending peers’ assessments define you.
Fourth, learn everything you can. Learn, learn, learn. Read. Listen. Observe. Think. New words, new disciplines, stars, dirt, water, newspapers, etc.
Finally, whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability. Try. Try to do better. The habit of sliding by or cutting corners or not trying is hard to break later on. If you try your best at everything, you will grow, learn, and become very accomplished—at whatever you choose to spend your life doing. Learn to enjoy trying your best.
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