How do you tell an employee they need to improve?

First, ditch the “they need to” language. That makes people defensive. In fact, most second person language makes people defensive. (“You need to …” “You have a problem.. “ )

Second, own your problem. Most managers, oddly IME, cannot define what a problem is. I say, a problem is a Want-Got Gap for Somebody.” Who’s got the Want-Got Gap? Clearly it’s you, not them. See chart below. This recognition sets up a good way (clearly not the only way) to address employee performance. YOUR problem is you want your employee to do something they are not. I’ve encountered this endlessly in my consulting practice and teaching. Even written cases about it. One student working as a manager in a women’s spa and had an employee who had bad body odor. ! Yes, I know.

Third, choose a time when neither of you are busy.

Fourth, I encourage you to role play this in your head and out loud many times in the shower, driving, walking wherever. Role Playing in advance helps you a) find the words and b) imagine various responses to which you can prepare reactions.

Fifth, recognize that most behavior is based in VABEs and is habitual—that is, mindlessly repetitive.

Sixth, try this structure.

1. Thank you for meeting with me. I have a little problem.
2. I want to present to the world a company that does A, B, C.
3. I observe that from my vantage point, your behavior (not YOU) doesn’t match up to A B C. Dress, hair, body odor, performance, tardiness, leaving early, not cleaning up, whatever.
4. I want you to succeed and excel in this company and to be happy about working here.
5. IF that’s to happen, from my point of view, I want you to do X. I understand that you might not want to do that.
6. Will you do X?
7. Would you like to comment on my request? Do you think I’m being unfair? If so, why?
8. Listen.
9. In the end, I still want you to do this.
10. May I add another thought? Success at any job is a result of goodness of fit. Think of yourself as a “hand” and the demands of a job as a “glove.” If the hand doesn’t fit the glove, it won’t be able to do it’s best work. You might enjoy reading more about the “goodness-of-fit” idea at the Career Management part of this website: Level Three Leadership where there are a number of self-assessment tools and other guidance about findingFIT in your career choices. In this job and in any you take in the future, in order to enjoy your work and to be good at it, one must find a good fit between self and job.
11. No, this is not a threat to change or else. It’s an invitation, an invitation based on what I want from you in your work here. If you don’t want to make the change, you might be happier working someplace else where there’s a better fit. I’m not making that decision now.
12. We all spend large parts of our lives at work. I think it’s important to be happy and successful at work. I want that for you. For it to happen here, I want associates who do X.

In this conversation you will gain insight into a person’s IQ, EQ, SQ, and CQ. Their response to the fit issue will reflect how broadly they can think about their life and work. Their emotional response will reflect something about their EQ or Emotional Intelligence. Can they manage constructive feedback? It will also reveal something about their SQ or Social Quotient, their willingness to work with Others and their Expectations. Finally, you will learn about their CQ or Change Quotient. Most people are creatures of habit. The few who are willing acknowledge and adapt are more likely to succeed in the world.

“Bad Attitudes” are hard to change. The bad apple can create rot in the barrel …. “I want you to be happy at work. I observe you complaining frequently (not always) and this bothers me. If you have a helpful suggestion for how to improve our company, I’m all ears. If you just like to complain without thinking of a better way to do things, then I have a real problem with that. Energy and Attitude are contagious. If you don’t enjoy working here, I’d prefer that you find something more to your liking. I want to work around cheerful, positive people.”

Finally, you may want to review your hiring system. Apparently you have a selection and on-boarding/orientation process that let this person “through.” Can you screen better in the future?

Oh, one more thought: I wrote a case, The Aberdeen Experiment, and learned a lot from it about creating company culture. In it, the founder had all employees go through NINE days of training on how to talk with each other—to give feedback, to avoid accusatory language, and so on because FEAR is created not just by management but also by peers. Peer pressure. If everyone you hire is rowing in the same direction with clarity of purpose and vision—(yes/no?) — the bad apples usually don’t feel a good fit and leave.

Good luck.