How do CEO's and highly productive people balance their lives?

I've been fascinated by this question for most of my life.  My uncle was the CEO of Puget Sound Power and Light and family reunions always raised the issue for me over and over.  How does he do that? 

For all of us it’s a choice of how we want to spend our universal allocation of 168 hours a week. No one can fit every —AL aspect of life (physical, emotional, intellectual, professional, spiritual, social, marital, parental, financial, and so on for at least 13 aspects) in every day. AND exercising once a month or spending time with family once a month is clearly not enough. SO, the WEEK is the building block of life. From the day we are born (the center of the chart below), we begin to develop in multiple --AL directions.  Over time we might "develop" the blue shape below, developed on some dimensions and "under-developed" in other dimensions.  IF we have goals (the green line) we can check ourselves year after year in January to see how we are progressing.  The OUTER RING represents "world-class" or "ten" development.  "World Class" on the ProfessionAL dimension might be "president of a first-world country."  CEO of a major corporation might be a "9" on that scale.  "Ten" on the FinanciAL dimension would be Jeff Bezos (in 2020) at $145Billion.  

THEN, add managing ENERGY to the equation. People with higher energy can get more done in the same 168 hours. Energy is a function of brain chemistry (ADHDs like my wife often need a nap after doing one thing), body chemistry, physical habits (like diet, exercise, sleep and rest), PURPOSE and early childhood training and development.

If we have a clear purpose in life (most don’t), we can allocate our time and energy in service of our purpose. Consider a daily cycle: DO → REST. Most people go through life going around that cycle over and over again. A better cycle would be: DO → REST → LEARN → DO. IF we adopt that cycle, we could become gradually better and better at what we do.

That said, significant numbers of people get “stuck” in one phase or another. Habitual DOers can develop workaholism—which is deadly. (Japan has a word, karoushi for it). Habitual RESTers get little done and spend their lives wishing they didn’t have to work and wanting to be lying down somewhere. Habitual LEARNers also don’t get much done except more learning, like some academics. These “whirlpools” or “eddies” in the stream of life can be the result of brain chemistry, early childhood habits, or many other factors.

CEO’s have very demanding jobs that require a wide range of skills. Many of them compensate by emphasizing their favorite issues or skills. Former CFO’s who become CEO’s tend to focus on financial results and may not be the best people managers. Chief marketing officers tend as CEO’s tend to focus on the top line. And so on.

SELF LEADERSHIP becomes increasingly important as people gain more responsibility. How can they get the sleep, exercise, diet, and mental peace to create a sustainable lifestyle? Richard Branson and Henry Ford III seem to have worked it out. Many celebrities seem to be self-destructive with drugs, lack of sleep, alcoholism, etc. Some who focus first on career don’t marry or have other interests but are monomaniacally focused on their careers. John Steinbeck wrote in his diary while feuding with his wife, If a man has a wife and he can’t write, he should get a new wife.

It’s all about VABEs. We define who we are by our behaviors which are based on our semi-conscious VABEs. Each week, we allocate time and energy to the various —AL aspects of life and another block goes into the edifice that becomes our Life. When we are self managing (see for example the Book of SELF in my book A Song of Humanity) we are more likely to get where we want to be. Rather than drifting and then waking up one day and going, HOW did I get here?  

As Cmdr Abrashoff said in his book, It's Your Ship! That is, your life and your career are your ship and you are, if you choose to be, the Captain of that Ship.  You can decide the purpose of your ship, the destination of your ship, how fast you will go, whom to invite on board, where you will put into port, and the fitness of your ship.  If you choose to do so.  

What should we learn from the COVID-19 pandemic?

1. Wet meat markets are cesspools of filth and disease perpetuation and creation. Shut them down!
2. Biological warfare is a real and dangerous possibility and every country should be prepared to combat it.
3. Western (or any) cultural conventions like shaking hands are outdated. We can bow to show respect without infecting others. The tradition grew out of Viking testing of weapons-in-hand and no longer makes sense.
4. Everyone should wear masks in public when they are sick. The Japanese learned this long ago. (I lived there for four years.)
5. In Truth We Trust. Prayers and hopes won’t help, neither will political wishfulness or lies. Science has or will get the answer. False VABEs will still kill you.
6. We live in an amazing era in which we can identify base pair by base pair virtually any living organism. Truly amazing compared with what we knew and/or could do 100 years ago.
7. The global desire to “maximize profits” at the expense of local supply chains puts nations at risk for essential materials. “Sustainable profits” would take into account the need for resiliency in the face of major crises. Don’t plan on not having a crisis.
8. In the end, we must globally decide the value of human life versus the quality of human life. How much do we “spend” to keep people alive and to extend life even when may be unconscious or non-functioning.
9. Anyone who seeks to maximize profits at the expense of and while abusing the “Commons” (air, water, soil, flora, fauna and the underprivileged) should be regulated and constrained. People should not profit while defiling the Commons that we all share.
10. There is no such thing as “inalienable human rights.” Nature grants no such rights. Rights are granted by governments. Governments should be held accountable for their abuse of the Commons. Viruses don’t care about what you believe your rights are.
11. Everything comes down to VABEs. Unless we can change what people believe, things won’t change.
12. Humans tend to make short-term decisions that actually are self-destructive and destructive to the Commons.  

Should One Give Advice?

I like other answers that suggest “don’t do it.” I first encountered the dangers of advice in the doctoral program at Harvard Business School. We read and studied Carl Rogers’ book, On Becoming a Person. Therein I learned a variety of “kinds of Responses” in conversation and how they help or don’t help. Rogers’ view was, and I agree, that people usually have the answers within them and that if we could help them see that, they would be much better and more likely to follow through.

So, I learned about “active listening.” And wrote a note about that, a note that became a best seller at Darden. Active Listening

We can array response types on a continuum from Directive to Non-Directive. And then discuss how Directiveness affects listeners. Usually it triggers their defensiveness. To become a good active listener one needs to learn to

1. Suspend fast thinking judgments based on one’s own VABEs
2. Focus on emotions (and their visible signals) as well as content.
3. Follow, not lead, the conversation.
4. Reflect accurately and appropriately what you understand about content and emotion in what the Other is saying.

These are very difficult for most people. People tend to see the world from their own point of view and to give advice based on that. And that advice could be exactly the wrong thing for the Other.

At some point AFTER one has listening actively, the Other may ask what you would do. Even then, be sure to describe what you would do, NOT what the Other should do. Do not attempt consciously or otherwise to impose your VABEs and conclusions on the other. The arrogance of “I know what’s right for you” goes way back to the basic VABEs that most parents used to teach their defenseless, young children:

1. I know what’s right for you, child.
2. I have a parental right to tell you what’s right for you, child.
3. I have a right to punish you if you don’t do what’s right for you, child. (See William Glasser, Choice Theory)

In this, we teach children to obey and conform. And the world’s dysfunctional VABEs are perpetuated generation after generation. There’s more. See my website, www.nadobimakoba.com, or my book A Song of Humanity. A Song of Humanity

Here’s the scale I created in Exhibit 1 in the note (above). From MORE DIRECTIVE at the top to LESS DIRECTIVE at the bottom.

ACTIVE LISTENING

Response Types

DIRECTIVE

Commands and threats

Telling a person what to do. Giving orders.

Persuasion

Selling, urging, entreating, building “logical” arguments to persuade the other to your point of view. Arguing is a heated form of persuasion.

Advice

Offering what you think should be done, based usually on your own view and values.

Questioning and focusing

Establishing a focus on what you will talk about next. Can be done through statements or questions.

Giving feedback

Telling the other person your judgments—both positive and negative. Extremely volatile, i.e., can be constructive or destructive to the individual and to the relationship. Can be solicited or unsolicited.

Directive probing

Asking leading questions to reach specific conclusions. Effective, if used skillfully, in getting a person to “personalize” joint conclusions.

Role playing

Building skills by allowing the other person to practice saying and behaving in situations that are likely to appear.

Summarizing

Attempting to outline the major points of the discussion.

Self-disclosing

Giving information about yourself. Very powerful in building trust and credibility. Can be overdone.

Exchanging

Undirected exchanges of greeting, social comments. Builds rapport and pleasantries and establishes a socially acceptable base for the conversation.

Problem-solving

Open-ended exploration of alternatives without preconceived notions about how to solve the problem. Brainstorming, or “dialogue” techniques, then evaluating alternatives.

Continuances

“Umm,” “Uh-huh,” “Yeah,” and other means of encouraging the other person to carry on.

Silence

Can be somewhat directive depending on the situation.

Reflective listening

Setting aside personal views and listening to another’s content and emotion and then reflecting that understanding back to the speaker. Related to empathy. Extremely useful in building support.

NON-DIRECTIVE

Examples of the Pareto Principle (80% is the result of 20% of ...)

Well, roughly speaking, not exactly 80/20,

1. Tiny majority of people own the vast majority of the world’s wealth. Adam Smith said capitalism depended on capitalists of “good character” implying to me that they “cared” about the Commons (air, water, soil, flora, fauna, and the underprivileged.) Which clearly the vast majority of that 20% (more like 1%) don’t.
2. Tiny minority of the population account for the vast majority of the crimes committed. I did research on the police/crime in Baltimore and the COP (Chief of Police) said they knew who the criminals were and they were a tiny minority of people—preying on the rest. Includes DUI repeat offenders.
3. Fast Thinkers versus Slow Thinkers (see Daniel Kahneman’s book). The vast majority of people make quick judgments based on their VABEs while a small minority judge more slowly—and seeking evidence and data.
4. Tiny minority of micro-organisms create the biggest problems in human society. COV-19. Ebola. Plague. Pretty obvious.
5. Cyclical disasters. A tiny few in the vast 4.5 billion year history of the earths’ major disasters have caused the vast majority of lethal consequences. Meteor strikes, Russian lava flows, volcanic eruptions (e.g. Krakatoa), hurricanes—not all that common, in fact, very uncommon, and yet they create huge consequences on life on earth.
6. Life Health Costs. Study after study show that the vast majority of anyone’s (on average) lifetime healthcare costs are created in the last year or two of one’s life. End of life attempts to prolong life without regard to quality of life cost exponentially more than healthcare earlier in life—on average. For very modest extension at low quality. True also earlier in life wherein the few with severe birth defects or unusual conditions create the big majority of hospitalization costs.
7. Mental health costs. The few (schizophrenia for example is about 1% of the worldwide population) create enormous stresses on society in living/surviving costs. Which sadly most of society ignore—and put them on the streets.
8. Innovation. The Newton’s, daVinci’s, vanGogh’s, Einstein’s, Pasteurs, Nobel’s, Copernicus’s, Brahe’s, Planck’s, etc are a rare minority and yet they have contributed ginormous influence on society.
9. VABEs. A tiny minority of VABEs and MEMEs have had huge negative effects on mankind. For example, “my religion is the true religion.” “My ethnicity is superior to your ethnicity.” “Because I am right, I am justified in forcing you to submit.” Moderating or eliminating those few VABEs would eliminate most of the war and suffering in the world.
10. Enzymes. Injecting small amounts of the appropriate enzyme in a chemical process can create huge changes in the speed and results of the process.

Some that come to mind immediately. How will you use these examples to modify your understanding of the world and what you do in it?